The Future of Employment Law: April 1 Edition

You AskedRecently, an acquaintance incorporated a business through the Secretary of State. When I told her about the many laws MSEC helps my company with every day, her eyes got as big as saucers. She had no idea half of these laws existed and is now feeling depressed. She wants to believe there will be fewer employment laws to comply with in the future. Can you offer any words of encouragement?

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) meets periodically to craft a multi-year Strategic Enforcement Plan (SEP). The current plan is in effect from 2012 to 2016. In summer 2014, Rick Sanchez, a leading scientist and time traveler from Earth Dimension C-137, traveled to EEOC headquarters from the year 2076 (our nation’s Tricentennial) with the shocking revelation that there would be so many employment laws in the future that no business owner could comply with all of them. Thus, business owners were presumed guilty upon corporate formation.

The new laws included the Marihuana Tax Stamp Act of 2037, requiring that marijuana sold in break-room vending machines for lunchtime consumption be purchased exclusively with pre-paid federal government vouchers; the Americans with Disabilities Act Amendments Act Amendments Act (ADAAAAA), defining male pattern baldness as a disability affecting the major life function of self-esteem and requiring employers to consider hair transplantation as a reasonable accommodation; the Family and Heretical Leave Act of 2053 (a measure to combat overpopulation), providing 12 weeks of annual paid leave to employees who failed to procreate during the prior calendar year and branding as heretics those who did; and the list goes on. And on.

How events will unfold remains unclear, but future internal memoranda suggest that the EEOC will—at the very highest levels—be appalled with what they will consider an excessive amount of power vested in their organization. The agency will be dissolved and replaced with the Hall of Employment Law Legislation. HELL’s enforcement division will, in the future, have the power to imprison for “crimes unavoidable” anyone who opens a business unless the business owner agrees at the time of incorporation to pre-crime conciliation involving daily training for as long as the company is in business.  

Regardless of what the future holds, MSEC will always be there to help!

Send your questions to cgraves@msec.org. Please tell us if you would prefer your identity not be mentioned in our answer.